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ARE YOU ABUSED? Does the Person You Love… · “Track” all of your time and activities? · Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful? · Discourage your relationships with family and friends? · Prevent you from working or attending school? · Criticize you for little things? · Anger easily when drinking or on drugs? · Control finances and force you to account for what you spend? · Humiliate you in front of others? · Destroy personal property or sentimental items? · Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or your children? · Threaten to hurt you or your children? · Use or threaten to use a weapon against you? · Force you to have sex against your will? If you find yourself saying yes to these questions, now is the time to ask for help. You can find out what services exist in your community by calling the Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services 24-hour crisis line, toll-free at 1-800-522-9054. If you live in Sequoyah, Adair, Cherokee or Wagoner County in Oklahoma, you can call Help-In-Crisis toll free at 1-800-300-5321. Domestic Abuse Advocates are available to assist you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They can meet you at your residence, medical facility if you need someone to help you obtain needed medical treatment. They can assist you with finding safe shelter. Domestic Abuse Advocates are there when you need someone to talk to. All calls to Help-In-Crisis are strictly confidential. Call Help-In-Crisis toll free at 1-800-300-5321 for more information about their services.
ZERO TOLERANCE THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE
******************************** He HIT HER A THOUSAND TIMES, BUT HE ONLY SENT HER FLOWERS ONCE.
******************************** MYTHS vs. FACTS About abuse Myth: Violence in families affects only a small percentage of the population. Fact: 2-4 million women are beaten every year; in Oklahoma, 340,000 women are beaten on a regular basis every year; the FBI says that a woman is beaten every 15 seconds in the United States. Myth: Poor families are more likely to experience violence than middle income and affluent families. Fact: Violence in families crosses all economic, class, race, and educational levels. Myth: Drinking causes violent behavior. Fact: Although drinking and/or drug abuse are present in over half of all violent incidents, abusive behavior will not stop when substance abuse stops. Alcohol and drugs may lower inhibitions permitting more aggressive behavior. Myth: Wife abuse doesn’t cause serious injuries. Fact: 40% of women killed in the United States are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. Emergency rooms report that the majority of cases of women seeking treatment for injuries are the result of abuse. Myth: Religious faith prevents violence in families. Fact: Persons of faith are no less vulnerable to abusive relationships than the general population. In some cases, religious beliefs are used by the abusers to justify their forceful and controlling behavior, and to obligate victims to remain in destructive situations that threaten their physical safety and emotional well-being. Myth: Children need their father even if he is abusive. Fact: Children need a stable, nurturing environment, free of fear and chaos, in which their self esteem will be preserved and enhanced. Myth: Witnessing abuse doesn’t affect children. Fact: Children who witness violence are 700 times more likely to abuse or be abused as adults than children who grow up in non-violent homes. Myth: Once a batterer, always a batterer. Fact: Battering is learned behavior and it can be changed. Help is available. Myth: A battered woman can always leave home. Fact: There is no law compelling a battered woman to remain in an abusive situation. However, there are a number of reasons that make leaving extremely difficult. Myth: There is no help available for a woman wanting to get out of an abusive relationship. There is no place available to help her and her children. Fact: Help is available. No woman has to remain in an abusive relationship because she has no place to go and no money to go. Any sheriff’s office or police department can help a woman obtain this assistance. THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE! ********************************
******************************** DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SAFETY PLAN You Have a Right to be Safe. SAFETY DURING AN EXPLOSIVE INCIDENT A. If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area where you have access to an exit. Try to stay away from the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom or anywhere else weapons might be available. B. Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, elevator, or stairwell would be the best. C. Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relative’s or friend’s home in order to leave quickly. D. Identify one or more neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home. E. Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends and neighbors when you need the police. F. Decide and plan for where you will go, if you have to leave home (even if you don’t think you will need to.) G. Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down. You have the right to protect yourself until you are out of danger. H. Always remember – YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE HIT OR THREATENED! SAFETY WHEN PREPARING TO LEAVE A. Open a savings account and/or credit card in your own name to start to establish or increase your independence. Think of other ways in which you can increase your independence. B. Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra medicines and clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly. C. Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you some money. D. Keep the shelter or hotline phone number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls. E. Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer. REMEMBER – LEAVING YOUR BATTERER IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME. SAFETY IN YOUR OWN HOME A. Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Give a copy to a trusted neighbor or family member. B. Call the police if your partner breaks the protective order. C. Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police do not respond right away. D. Inform family, friends, neighbors and your physical or health care provider that you have a protective order in effect. SAFETY WITH A PROTECTIVE ORDER A. Keep your protective order on you at all times. Give a copy to a trusted neighbor or family member. B. Call the police if your partner breaks the protective order. C. Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police do not respond right away. D. Inform family, friends, neighbors and your physical or health care provider that you have a protective order in effect. SAFETY ON THE JOB AND IN PUBLIC A. Decide who at work you will inform of your situation. This should include office or building security. Provide a picture of your batterer if possible. B. Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID, or a trusted friend or relative screen your telephone calls if possible. C. Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone escort you to your car, bus, or train and wait with you until you are safely en route. Use a variety of routes to go home by if possible. Think about what you would do if something happened while going home (i.e. in your car, on the bus etc..) YOUR SAFETY & EMOTIONAL HEALTH A. If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust. B. If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so. C. Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs. Read books, articles and poems to help you feel stronger. D. Decide who you can call to talk freely and openly to give you the support you need. E. Plan to attend a women’s or victim’s support group for at least two weeks to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.
CHECKLIST – WHAT YOU NEED TO TAKE WHEN YOU LEAVE: IDENTIFICATION
FINANCIAL
LEGAL PAPERS
OTHER
CONTACT HELP-IN-CRISIS AT (918) 775-3300 IN SALLISAW, OKLAHOMA FOR INFORMATION ON THE FOLLOWING SERVICES: · 24 Hour Emergency Intervention, Referral and Assistance · Sexual Assault Survivors Counseling · Domestic Violence Counseling · Women Victims of Domestic Violence Support Groups · Survivors of Sexual Assault Support Groups · Court Advocacy – Assistance with Filing for Protective Orders and Other Legal Needs · Child Advocacy – Youth Counselors Who Teach Life Skills, Decision Making Skills and Anger Control for Children · Shelter – A Safe Place for Abused Women and Their Children to Stay while Making Decisions About Their Future
YOU MAY ALSO CONTACT HELP-IN-CRISIS TOLL FREE AT 1-800-300-5321 FOR SEQUOYAH, ADAIR, CHEROKEE AND WAGONER COUNTIES IN OKLAHOMA. ALL CALLS ARE STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.
******************************** LAW ENFORCEMENT ASSISTANCE Sequoyah County Sheriff’s Department (918) 775-9155 (918) 775-9156 ******************************** |
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